Frequently Asked Questions
Is what I want normal?
This is probably the most common question people bring to sex therapy, even if they don’t say it out loud.Most people assume their thoughts, fantasies or worries are unusual or somehow “too much.” In reality, human sexuality is incredibly varied, and what feels strange to you is often far more common than you think.Part of sex and relationship therapy is helping you understand what feels right for you; not forcing you into someone else’s idea of normal. If it matters to you, it’s worth talking about.to wait until things are really bad.How do I know if I need sex therapy?
You don’t need a diagnosis or a crisis to start therapy.Most people come to sex and relationship therapy because something doesn’t feel right. Maybe sex feels stressful instead of enjoyable, intimacy has faded, communication feels difficult, or you feel unsure about what you want.If sex or relationships are taking up space in your mind or causing stress in your life, therapy can help. You don’t need to wait until things feel unbearable before reaching out.What actually happens in sex and relationship therapy?
Mostly, we talk.There’s no exam table, no demonstrations, and nothing you’ll be asked to do during sessions. It’s simply a conversation about what’s been happening and what you want to change.We might explore patterns in relationships, beliefs about sex, past experiences, or how you and your partner communicate. You don’t need perfect explanations or a clear plan. We go at a pace that feels manageable for you.Will you judge me or be shocked by what I say?
Almost everyone worries about this before starting therapy.
People often arrive convinced that what they want to talk about will be embarrassing or unusual. Most of the time it isn’t, and you’re very unlikely to shock me.
Sex therapists hear a wide range of experiences and concerns. This is a space where you don’t need to censor yourself or pretend to be someone you’re not. You can speak openly about what’s really going on.Can therapy help if my sex drive has disappeared?
Yes. Changes in desire are one of the most common reasons people seek sex therapy.
Sex drive can change for many reasons, including stress, health, life circumstances, anxiety or relationship dynamics. Low desire doesn’t necessarily mean something is broken, but it can still feel frustrating and upsetting.
Therapy can help you understand what’s affecting your desire and find ways forward that make sense for you and your relationship.What if my partner wants more sex than me?
Differences in desire are one of the most common reasons couples seek therapy.
It’s very normal for partners to want sex at different levels, but it can lead to tension, pressure, arguments or withdrawal if it isn’t talked about openly.
Therapy helps you talk about desire in a calmer and more constructive way, so it becomes less of a struggle and more of a shared conversation about what works for both of you.Can I talk about kink or BDSM in therapy?
Yes.
Some people come to therapy specifically because they want to explore kink or BDSM in a safe and thoughtful way. Others want to understand fantasies or desires they’re unsure about.
This is a space where those conversations are taken seriously and treated without judgement. You don’t need labels or clear answers before you start; therapy can be a place to explore and make sense of things.Do I need to come with my partner?
No, you can come to therapy on your own.
Many people start individually even when their concerns involve relationships or sex with a partner. Individual sessions can be a useful place to think things through first.
If you do come as a couple, sessions can be attended together or sometimes separately depending on what works best for your situation.Is online sex therapy actually effective?
Yes.
Many people find it easier to talk about sex from their own home rather than sitting in a therapy room. Being in a familiar environment can help you feel more relaxed and open.
Online therapy also means you can access specialist sex and relationship therapy wherever you live in the UK, without needing to travel or worry about being recognised locally.What if I feel embarrassed talking about sex?
Feeling embarrassed at the beginning is completely normal.
Most people feel awkward at first, especially if they’ve never talked about sex openly before. That discomfort usually settles once the conversation gets going.
You don’t need perfect words and you don’t need to explain everything straight away. Therapy gives you space to talk honestly at your own pace, without pressure.What if I don’t know how to explain what’s wrong?
That’s completely normal, and you don’t need a perfect explanation before starting therapy.
A lot of people come to sex and relationship therapy with a general sense that something isn’t working, even if they can’t put it into clear words yet. You might just know that sex feels different, relationships feel harder, or something feels off without knowing exactly why.
Part of therapy is figuring that out together. You don’t need a clear plan or the right language; you just need somewhere you can start talking honestly.Can sex and relationship therapy actually help?
Most people want to know this before they get in touch.
Sex and relationship therapy can help you understand what’s been happening and why things feel stuck. Sometimes small changes make a big difference, and sometimes it’s about seeing your situation in a new way that makes things feel more manageable.
Therapy isn’t about being told what to do or how your relationship should look. It’s about helping things feel clearer, less stressful and easier to live with day to day.And the most common question I get Asked…
A lot of people worry about this, especially if things have felt difficult for a long time.
Sexual problems and relationship difficulties often build up slowly, and by the time people think about therapy they’ve usually tried to sort things out on their own first. It’s common to wonder if too much time has passed or if things have drifted too far.
In most cases, it isn’t too late. Change doesn’t always mean going back to how things used to be - sometimes it means finding a way forward that works better for where you are now.
Therapy can help you understand what’s been getting in the way and what might help things feel easier again.