What is Sex Therapy Anyway?

So you’re searching for a sex therapist, and you think you’ve found the right one. But what on earth happens in a therapy session? Am I going to have to get naked??

As a clinical sexologist, who I define as someone who offers sex education as well as someone who offers sex therapy, even the terms can be confusing to me. What is a therapist? A counsellor? A sexologist?!

Let’s start with the basics… 

Definitions

Counsellor - a person trained to give guidance on personal or psychological problems.

Therapist - a person skilled in a particular kind of therapy.

Sex Therapist - a licensed practitioner, who offers emotional and mental support relating to issues that are caused or directly related to sex or sexual dysfunction. 

A Sexologist - someone who may or may not be a qualified sex therapist (I am), who researches and specialises in the study of human sexology. 

As therapy and counselling are unregulated professions, most people use the term therapist and counsellor interchangeably. What is generally accepted is that a counsellor will provide shorter-term goal-based therapy, whereas a therapist will offer long-term support for more complex difficulties. However, this is not to say they are all the same! 

It is always helpful to check out directories or regulatory bodies of therapists and counsellors to ensure the person you are working with is upheld to their standards. For sex therapy this is COSRT - Find a Therapist | cosrt

Number 1 Top Tip - The most important thing for you to do when considering a therapist, in particular a sex therapist, is to research and look into that individuals’ qualification, experiences and see if you feel they may be a good fit. Most will be happy to answer questions or hold a discovery call with you and remember - you are buying a service, you can say no! One of the worst experiences I have had as a client of a therapist was feeling trapped in a contract because I felt that I would let the therapist down by saying that it wasn’t working for me (spoiler alert it wasn’t working because they hadn’t clocked on this was happening!) 

I highly welcome feedback from clients both new and old, if when you are working with me you think this is just not a good match. No offence is ever taken!

To start working with me, click the link below.

What to expect from sex therapy?

All therapists and sexologists work slightly differently and have their own quirks and ways of working. When you start sessions with myself, we will engage in a number of assessment sessions for me to understand a thorough history of you as a human from when you were little all the way up to where you are today. This may include some slightly difficult questions such as asking about your sex life, or your early childhood experiences which may not have been positive for you. I will always ask these questions in a way that makes you feel comfortable and at ease, and am perfectly happy for you to refuse to answer anything if you don’t wish to. Remember - therapy is a joint enterprise, it cannot be done to you!

At the end of the assessment, we would work out a plan and collaboratively think about what this might look like together. I work integratively, which means I use any and every therapeutic modality depending on the situation or person in front of me. However I do tend to draw predominantly from attachment theory and utilise a lot of Compassion Focussed Therapy in my work as this is what I often feel is needed for the majority of my clients. The plan will be kept under review and we will have regular “check-ins” to see if therapy is working for you (I don’t want you to end up in the same situation I was!)

I’m often asked how long therapy will be for, or how many sessions people will need and ultimately that’s an age old question. It really does depend. Sessions themselves are 50 minutes in length, which may be slightly longer for assessment sessions if I feel this is needed. You will be told about this in advance. 

Number 2 Top Tip - You will not be asked to get naked, engage in any form of sexual activity and if you do so therapy will be ended without warning. Sex therapy is therapy with a focus on human sexuality, and does not involve sex! If you encounter anyone saying something different please, walk away and report them!

If you have any more questions or anything you want me to answer, get in touch!