Professional Boundaries Statement

As a psychosexual and relationship therapist specialising in sexuality, kink/BDSM, non-monogamy and GSRD, I recognise that the communities I work with can be relatively small and interconnected.

I also have an established public presence within some of these communities, including on FetLife and other online platforms. It is therefore entirely possible that you may have encountered me, my writing or my online presence before considering working with me therapeutically.

Rather than pretending these overlaps cannot happen, I believe in being transparent about them and managing them thoughtfully, ethically and collaboratively.

The “small town” principle

One useful way of thinking about boundaries within kink, fetish, queer and non-monogamous communities is the difference between practising therapy in a large city and practising in a small town.

In a large city, therapist and client may be able to maintain completely separate worlds. In a small town, people inevitably encounter one another: at the shops, socially, through mutual acquaintances or at community events.

Specialist sexuality communities can work in much the same way.

The possibility of encountering one another does not automatically make a therapeutic relationship inappropriate. What matters is the nature of any existing relationship, the potential impact upon therapy, confidentiality and whether appropriate professional boundaries can be maintained.

Where an overlap exists, we will talk about it openly.

Confidentiality

Your confidentiality is fundamental to my practice.

I will never disclose that you are, or have been, a client without your permission except in the limited circumstances where disclosure may be ethically or legally required. The limits of confidentiality are discussed when we begin working together.

My clinical work is also discussed within professional supervision. Supervision is itself confidential and exists to support safe, ethical and effective therapeutic practice.

Most importantly within the communities in which I work, I will never disclose or “out” your sexuality, gender identity, relationship structure, kink, fetish, BDSM interests, sexual practices, community involvement or other aspects of your private life.

If we meet in public

If we encounter one another outside therapy, I will ordinarily take my cue from you.

I will not approach you and identify you as a client. You may say hello, ignore me completely, give me a knowing nod or behave as though we have never met. None of those choices are rude.

Your privacy comes first.

If we think we are particularly likely to encounter one another, we can agree beforehand how you would prefer those situations to be handled.

If you choose to introduce me to somebody as your therapist, I will of course respond appropriately, but I will still never discuss the content of our therapeutic work.

FetLife and social media

You may encounter profiles, photographs, writing, discussions or other content associated with me outside my clinical practice.

You are free to view publicly available material. However, once somebody becomes a therapy client, I maintain a distinction between our therapeutic relationship and personal/social interaction.

I will therefore not initiate personal online contact with current clients or use FetLife or other personal accounts as an extension of therapy.

If we were already connected online before you approached me for therapy, we will discuss whether and how that connection should be managed.

Seeing something about me online may naturally generate curiosity, feelings or questions. You do not need to pretend that hasn’t happened. You are welcome to bring it into therapy and we can think about its impact on our work together.

Friends, acquaintances and existing connections

Being part of overlapping communities means that occasionally somebody considering therapy may already know me.

If we have a close personal friendship or another relationship that would significantly compromise the therapeutic relationship, I will not normally be able to work with you as your therapist.

If we are casual acquaintances, have interacted online, have attended the same events or simply recognise one another from the community, this does not necessarily prevent us from working together.

There is inevitably a grey area between those two situations.

Where this occurs, we will discuss what contact or knowledge already exists, how it could affect therapy and whether both of us believe that a safe and appropriately boundaried therapeutic relationship can be established.

Sometimes we may decide that working together would not be appropriate. Where possible, I will help you identify alternative sources of support.

Community events and public play

Because I work with people from kink/BDSM and alternative sexuality communities, it is possible that we may attend the same events, venues or community spaces.

If there is a reasonable likelihood of this happening, I encourage us to talk about it.

If we have previously encountered or witnessed one another within a community or play environment before beginning therapy, that does not automatically prevent us from working together. However, we will consider whether that prior knowledge could affect either person’s comfort or the therapeutic relationship.

If we become aware that we are likely to attend the same event while therapy is ongoing, we can discuss appropriate boundaries beforehand.

Neither of us should have to withdraw completely from our communities simply because a therapeutic relationship exists. At the same time, protecting your confidentiality and the integrity of our therapeutic work remains the priority.

Therapy remains therapy

Whatever overlap may exist between our communities, our therapeutic relationship remains a professional therapeutic relationship.

I do not enter into sexual, romantic or play relationships with therapy clients. Therapy does not involve sexual activity or sexualised touch.

Our conversations may be frank. We might talk explicitly about sex, bodies, fantasies, BDSM, fetish, pornography, relationships or experiences that you have previously felt unable to discuss with another professional.

That openness should never be confused with the boundaries of the relationship itself changing.

You don’t have to sanitise your life for therapy, educate me about the basics of kink or non-monogamy, or hide parts of yourself because you’re worried your therapist might judge them.

What matters is what those things mean to you.

Questions or concerns

If you’re considering working with me and are unsure whether a previous interaction, online connection, community overlap or something you’ve seen about me creates a boundary issue, please ask.

Equally, if something arises while we are already working together, I would much rather we talk about it than have you worrying about it alone.

Good boundaries aren’t about pretending therapist and client exist in completely separate worlds. They’re about creating a clear, ethical and trustworthy therapeutic relationship within the world we actually inhabit.

This statement has been informed by the professional boundaries framework developed by Dominic Davies of Pink Therapy, whose work on managing therapeutic boundaries within overlapping LGBTQ+, kink and alternative sexuality communities has helped shape thinking in this area.